Remember “Principles: Now,” which I posted as part of a series on my most deeply held beliefs? I rediscovered that post recently after revamping my class schedule a few days ago. It was written in August of last year, and so much has happened since that post to encourage and convince that I am, indeed moving forward.
Firstly, I started school again. Instead of taking the year I decided to jump in a quarter early. I also auditioned for plays, not just once, but three time. Since that post I’ve been in one theatre production, and am currently rehearsing for another. In keeping with my love of legislative journalism I am looking into the journalism program at Public College; and while I never made good on promise to start my legislative blog, I have delved more frequently into legal affairs here, with posts like Now you Know (published about a month prior to the Principles piece), December Demonstrations, and Religious Liberty and Kalei Wilson. For now, I’m not going to worry about starting a new blog, but will continue integrating legal comment into this blog whenever it seems topically appropriate.
In short, I’m in a good place. Even when I thought I was standing still I was moving forward. I was taking the time I need to deal with personal concerns, in hindsight, I also see that I was also taking a much needed break from college course work. Amazing what can change in a few months.
A lot of well meaning friends have told me that “god has a plan” for me, assurances which have rang particularly hollow in recent times. Embracing Secular Humanism has meant giving up on the notion of a cosmic plan for my life, and giving up on cosmic plans can be quite discomforting. When you don’t know what lies ahead, it’s nice to think that Someone does, and is intervening for the best outcome possible. It was from this place of uncertainty and guilt–that I was not making the most of my short existence– that I wrote my August entry about living in the now.
Letting go of cosmic plans can also be quite freeing. That is where I find myself now.
I no longer need to wonder if I’m doing the right thing, if every intersection I meet needs to be addressed with supplications to a Great Planner who will tell me which one is meant to be and which one will derail me from my ultimate purpose. I only need ask if the path I am choosing will take me in the direction I want to go. There is great liberty in this, and I am the sort of person who values liberty over comfort.